You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think a kid would responsible me up
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
