just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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