the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
