Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
