She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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