Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
