i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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