i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
