You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
