hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
