my mouth tastes like poor choices
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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