8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
