Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
