If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
