i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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