apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
