Redeem this text for a blowjob
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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