Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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