That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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