READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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