I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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