So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
