I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
