I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He did a backflip because drugs
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