yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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