You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I CAN MOONWALK!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
