I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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