I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
