So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
