u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
