Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she was so not down for the gang bang
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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