32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
