How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
