After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
