i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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