I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
