i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Couch. On fire.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
