lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
