you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
