recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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