Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
