He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
