Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
