u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So vagazzling was a success
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
