new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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