I hate all girls vehemently.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Small penises have feelings too.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
