Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
