So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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