I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think my fart just growled at me.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
