I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
